Saturday, July 31, 2010

Incosquential Musings



I haven't updated in a while because I feel like I have nothing important to say. To be perfectly honest, I'm a tad embarrased by the lack of focus or purpose of this blog. I read and follow alot of blogs; feminist blogs, fashion blogs, photography blogs, the works, and pretty much each and every blog I read makes me think, evokes an emotion in me, makes me look at my life and reevaluate it- whether in a small way or a big way. I'm planning on adding a blogroll to this here blog whenever I find the energy; I would like to share my interests with whoever poor sod reads this. (I think I might have broken a record for writing the word "blog" too many times in one paragraph.)

Honestly, I've been thinking about alot of things lately, and I feel like if I don't write it down somewhere my head will explode. I've been thinking, for one, about school. I'll be returning to school full time for my senior year in September, and I'm nervous about it. I've spent the last year locked up at home studying frantically. And while I did get a lot of necessary things done, it was an incredibly boring year- stressful without the company of friends to lighten it up. I lost touch with a lot of friends, something which is mostly- thought, I suppose, not entirely- my fault. And to return like nothing changed will be wierd because I changed a lot in my year of soltitude, and I don't know how to introduce those changes to my academic life and all it's extensions and associations, so to speak.

The thing about me is that I'm the introverted, quite type. I was never the girl who had a ton of friends, but I did have friends. And over the past couple of years the strenght of these friendships dwindled pathetically, so much so that sometimes I feel like I'm lying to myself when I call my friends "friends". I think it's mostly because I can't really just say what's on my mind to most of them. I'm too wierd, my logic is twisted, whatever. That is entirely my fault, but I can't bring myself to just open up and put it out there. This is where I'm supposed to insert my lame excuse, and it's truly pathetic...; I'm too tired. There- I've said it. I'm too tired to make friends or keep friends or whatever. It takes energy which I don't have, and I feel like no matter how hard I try I'll always fall short, and failing is something I don't take to kindly. I guess no one does though, which makes me look like an even bigger loser. (Random tidbit; my name- when translated to English literally means Winner)

I started this blog because I wanted to occupy my time with something concrete this summer. And though I haven't been doing too good a job of updating regularly, it did banish the inevitable boredom somewhat. It has kept me photographing, at the very least. Although a large chunk of my time is dedicated to reading other people's blogs, like I mentioned earlier in the post. I do hope to turn this thing around soon, when I find my voice. This blog will stop being so aimless and random as soon as I find an aim. I don't know if anyone reads this, and I guess it doesn't matter, because, more than anything, I'm keeping this public blog for myself, so I'd feel like I'm contributing something, however silly and insignificant, to the world I occupy- the one that exists outside my head.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Work Out


That's my sister in the background and On The Road by Jack Kerouac and The Devil Wears Parda by Lauren Weisberger in focus. I couldn't decide which photo I liked better, so I posted both.

So, I went to the gym today, like I said. I worked out to a soundtrack of Mindless Self-Indulgence, The Runaways, The Beatles, and some Simon and Garfunkel. MSI is pefect for getting all worked up. I tried to take a picture of the gym, but I didn't like any of the photos I ended up with, sadly. Now I'm enjoying a (healthy) mango/kiwi/banana fruit salad courtsey of my favorite sister, and off to watch some Vampire Diaries.

And to close the post, I thought I'd add a quote from Garance Dore wonderful blog (let me preface it by saying that I really need awesome advice like that in my life. I mean, I sort of know that already *I think*, but it never hurts to hear someone as cool as Garance say it. I really do hope that the more complicated paths I've chosen will take me to a place where I can be happy [/preface]);

I just want to say to everyone like me who chose slightly more complicated paths, the roads less traveled, the ones with lots of roadblocks and long stretches of anguish, I just want to say that the most important thing is to always be moving toward your desire. Just do the things that'll make you smile and you'll always end up somewhere. Even if that place is not anywhere you'd imagined you'd be at the start.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Poolside Rambling


Spend the whole day at the pool today, and all yesterday at the mall(s) job-hunting. My feet ache so much, I don't think I'll be able to walk again for a couple more days. Though, I do hope I'll be able to muster enough energy to go to the gym tomorrow. I need to work on my abs.

Discovered Balmain and Alexander Wang today... if only I had a couple thousand dollars to spare! I'm trying to "reinvent" my style, but it's close to impossible on such a tight budget and no direct income. Hopefully, when I do get a job, I'll be able to buy better clothes.

I'm rereading The Devil Wears Prada because I'm too tired to read anything new/my attention span is too short to start and finish a new book. I have around ten books resting on my overflowing bookcase just waiting to be cracked open and read. I also have a whole lot of books that I don't want anymore (all in mint condition, if anyone's interested in buying), including (shamefacedly) the whole Twilight Saga, which I'm just tired of, to be honest.

Thursday, July 1, 2010




Posting out of guilt. I'm a horrible procrastinator. I haven't took any good pictures lately, so there isn't much to post. Honestly, I need friends. If anyone out there is interested in being my new friend (living in Abu Dhabi is a requirement) please do leave a comment.

I've spent the day looking through fashiontoast's archives. How awesome is that girl's style? Seriously, I'm brimming with ideas for new outfits. I'm thinking about posting pictures of my favorite outfits.

Started learning to drive today. There's this huge, empty parking lot right under the apartment building where I live, so mom decided to teach me how to drive. It's a bit scary, but not as difficult as I though. I have to wait another year before I can get a licence though.